The Hidden Truth
A few weeks ago we talked about the importance of feedback. We talked about the need to share how you experience others, and also ask for feedback. I’m curious, what happens when we receive feedback and we don’t agree with it? What do we do with that? Do you disregard it and call it biased and then form your own opinion about how you believe others experience you? If we do that, in reality, what we’re doing is affirming our own bias, and only looking to hear thoughts and beliefs that align to ours. This phenomenon seems to happen often in life in politics, friendships and professional relationships. You see it all over social media. If you’re a republican, you see some republican friends saying how awful ALL of the democrats are and then comes all of the supporting comments. If you’re a democrat, many of your friends comment on the entirety of the republican party, and again the phenomenon of group think and affinity bias come in. In families, that one dissenting opinion is rarely heard, or if they are heard that person is cast aside as a black sheep, and at work, the person who disagrees with the team and doesn’t get on board with the project is a pain in the whatever, and just has to be difficult.
How true are all of these things? All of these labels. When something doesn’t go our way because someone doesn’t conform to our way of thinking, how do you react? Do you cast them aside and label them as in the examples above, or do you become curious? Labels are aligned with judgement; good and bad, mean or nice, smart or stupid. Judgement is based on catabolic energy, which is often destructive. Curiosity, however is aligned with understanding, concern, identification, appreciation, and discernment. Understanding is based on anabolic energy. It fuels relationships where catabolic energy tears it down.
We all have beliefs and opinions that are seen thru the filter of our life experience. You can’t tell me how to feel and I can’t tell you how to feel, but you have a right to feel what you feel as do I. There is a hidden truth in all of us. That hidden truth could be the inner critic, the negative self-talk that seekss to keep us from reaching our true potential, or it could be that thing that we know we need to resolve, but we might think if we ignore it enough, it might just disappear. Whatever IT is, IT is often validated when we hear feedback or dialogue not aligned to how we want others to experience us.
We’re often “triggered” when our hidden truth is brought to the surface. At this point, if we’re operating at an anabolic level, we can see that there are choices available to us. We can choose to be curious, but if we’re operating in catabolic energy, we have limited choices, and in most cases, we opt to defend or become angered. Recall that communication has the power to unite us or destroy us. Which direction do you want to go in? If its destruction, we might do things like shut down, we may become passive aggressive, or even overtly aggressive. If unity is what we’re after, we become curious…”tell me more, why do you say that” Curiosity might be uncomfortable, but if we can let our guards down just a little bit, we might achieve understanding. We don’t necessarily need to agree, but understanding can build a path forward. Being curious about someone else’s thoughts or feelings, can also allow us to be curious about our own hidden truth. Be curious about how true it is. Be curious about how ignoring the hidden truth serves you. Another person’s feeling is unique to them. It has nothing to do with you. Perhaps if we are so emotionally triggered by someone else’s feeling- that alone should be the reason we start getting curious about our own hidden truth. If you’re struggling with your hidden truth, let’s chat