How Can You Control What You Can't Control?

If you know me at all you know that I am organized, and I have "routines" and "systems". My sister loves to tell the story of how when I was a little kid, she tried to get me to stay up late to watch TV, and I told her No, and since it was 8:00, it was time for me to take a shower and get ready for bed. I couldn't mess up my routine or I would be late to school or not as effective. I was still in early elementary school! At such a young age, my experiences told me that everything would be ok, as long as I kept my routine. My husband would say that I haven't changed much, except that I do actually try to stay up, but I usually fail 30 min into most movies.

This week I learned very quickly that my routines and systems (my control) needed to go....at least for the time being. This week, I became so ill that I nearly lost consciousness. My husband, being the best partner in the world, took care of me. He and my precocious 3 year old made sure mama was ok. I was lying in bed for 3 days surrounded by love, toy trucks and my two men (big and lil) watching over me.

At one point when I thought I was better, I noticed Lil was dipping into my saltine crackers and left a trail, so when I went to do what I typically do, and get the vacuum, Big gave me the look. I politely took the hint. Anything other than resting, I got the look. He said to me, you can't control what you can't control, and I agreed with him. I needed to get better. Crumbs were the least of my problem. Getting healthy was the goal. Cheerio trails, saltine crumbs and toy cars were what I needed to actually get better. I needed my boys to help me unwind and focus. I needed to know they were ok, and having them with me there just to heal made it all better. 

I learned this week that disruptions happen. Life keeps life-ing, but if you are not healthy, what good are you to anyone else? Sometimes, even when your systems and patterns are meant for good, if you can't go outside of the boundaries of the systems without feeling guilt, without your inner voice telling you that you're "a bad mom or dad" or that you're "not good enough", then those systems are rooted in something else other than what they are designed for. They are part of some programming that someone told us we had to be in order for us to be "worthy" or it's in defense of losing control. 

My worst fear is being someone who is controlling, yet I try to control things to remain in my neat little baskets. The thing is, like I shared last week, you can be a work of art and a masterpiece. If we expect ourself and others to be perfect, we are in for a rude awakening! Recognizing patterns within ourselves is the beauty, and then consciously making shifts in our thoughts is the key to changing the behavior.

Stay healthy, stay Balanced!