The Inner Critic Strikes Again

The topic of the inner critic is one that seems to resonate with many of us so I wanted to dig a little deeper. Our inner critic thrives on keeping us small by creating the belief that we, somehow, are not good enough. When we hear its voice, doubt starts to creeps in. We start to imagine failure. We may even be scared of succeeding since your inner critic reminds us that  eventually, we’ll fail. We will lose. It’s not worth it. I previously talked about reframing our thoughts as a way to shut down the gremlin. Another tip is to focus on our intentions. When the inner critic or gremlin shows up, embrace it. We don’t have to believe it, but acknowledge it, and ask yourself what’s really going on, why is the gremlin here now and how true is this for me? This will allow us to focus on how the inner critics’ thoughts align with our intentions. We all have feelings, but the truth is we don’t have to BE those feelings. Now that you know what the inner critic has to say, what is a more powerful message you can tell yourself that is in alignment with your intentions? 

A couple of months ago I attended a networking event in the city. It was really a “practice” session. I wanted to hone in on my networking skills with people that I didn’t know at all. I was taken aback at how nervous I was that day. Nervous that I wouldn’t know what to say or that no one would be interested in hearing about my coaching business.

So why was I really nervous? I was nervous because I didn’t want to fail, whatever that meant. I’ve invested so much time developing my business and my coaching practice. I felt that ‘everything’ was riding on whether or not I could peek interest amongst this crowd. Once I got there, I started mingling, and making my way around the small room. It was a bit awkward because the people there were so excited about the program, I didn’t want to intrude on their excitement. I’m not a salesperson and wasn’t trying to pitch something. When asked, I spoke about my career, and mentioned my new business as well. My nerves calmed down early on in the event, once I realized that my entire life is not riding on my ability to convince someone that I’m worthy. I realized that I was feeling nervous and that was all the work of my inner critic. That internal voice that always has something negative to say—about me. My external objective and my internal thoughts were at odds. I had all of these expectations about what I wanted to happen, but I never really paused to set an intention for how I was going to show up, internally.  I realized this after I did a mini session with a young couple about imposter syndrome. I realized that I was making a genuine connection. My coaching service is life changing so what is all the pressure about? I needed to tell my inner critic to back up, and let me take the lead.

Fast forward to two weeks later. I’m sitting on a train coming back from another networking session. This day was much different than the last time. I’d been super chill all day. I wasn’t worried. I was going to an event with some influential HR leaders who were there to present emerging trends. I was not stressing over what I would wear or what I’d say. No memorized elevator speech. No expectations. I walked in with an intention – to have a great night and be present with my whole self. I walked in hung up my coat and was ready for action. I surveyed the room, and saw 3 people sitting by themselves, all not speaking and being “busy” on their phones. I sat down, introduced myself and asked them each, what’s your name and what’s your superpower? This was a great fireside chat. I met a woman who was an executive in the medical examiner’s office, and I helped her think about new, innovative ways to expand her succession pipeline. I met a really excited intern who worked in HR in the entertainment industry. He told me about his internship, and I dug deeper into exploring his passion. I also met a woman who works for a company that focuses on leadership development. We connected instantly like a spark. We were both so present with one another. I was as if we were riding this synchronistic wave of creativity and energy. I met a few more people throughout the night - consultants, hr leaders, and executives. We exchanged information and I left feeling great. Not because I had some great lead or client opportunity, but because I actualized my intention and was present, engaged, and I brought my full self. I didn’t let my inner critic take control, but yet I didn’t ignore it. I realized it’s part of who I am, and I listened to it, but I didn’t agree. I had an intention and was able to get my inner critic on board with reality and my intention.  

Are you ready to transform your mindset and lead with your whole self? Imagine the possibilities when you transform your mindset and see the winning results.