Why Not Treat Yourself As Good As You Treat Others?

A few years ago, I recall being selected to attend an emerging leader’s class at my job. I was super excited to be recognized for the work I’ve done. Even more so, I was thought of as an actual leader. To me this was huge!! I work with some amazing thought leaders and for them to select 'lil ole me and think of me as a next generation leader? Wow – Mind Blown!! Me? Do they know where I came from? Do they know the struggle I’ve gone thru? Wow – I was truly touched!

So game day is here. I get to the class super early because there is always so much traffic. I probably left home at 5am. I was just so excited to be there. I didn’t recognize anyone in the class, and that was ok. I’m introverted by nature, but I can network when I have to. I walked around and introduced myself. We split into groups and each group had to elect someone to do a “public speech”. I can’t win a scratch off ticket, but guess who the lucky winner was in my group. Yup it was me. I hated speaking in front of people.

We had previously learned that we would be evaluated on our “presence”. As I got up there and started talking about my tenure at the company and roles that I had been in and the experiences I gained, my inner critic or gremlin, was talking so much crap! “Nobody wants to listen to your boring story. Why did you wear black tights? You should have worn nude stockings. You look like you’re auditioning for the Adams family. You should wear more color. Your hair looks funny. You should have worn lipstick. Stand up straight. Your feet are big. You look like you’re wearing clown shoes. Shut up. No one cares!” As I’m up there talking, I was battling internally with this gremlin, but at the same time, I smiled and maintained eye contact. I was engaging, humorous and I looked and sounded great, externally. As I finished up, everyone clapped. People asked me questions and seemed genuinely interested.

Have you ever had this experience? Maybe you let the gremlin get the best of you or maybe you’re like me, a master of ignoring the gremlin when it was game time. I couldn’t let them see me sweat, but I spent way too much time and energy trying to silence the voice.

As a side note, my evaluation was great, but the areas that I needed to focus on was my posture. Interestingly, the longer I was up there, the worse my posture became. Although I thought I ignored the gremlin and still persevered, the physical impact on my posture was a byproduct of my gremlin beating me down, literally and figuratively.

Maybe it’s not in a public speaking event, maybe it’s every day all day. Maybe it’s when you’re with your colleagues. That deep inner critic telling you you’re a fake. You are not good enough, smart enough, talented enough. How much energy do you spend trying to quiet the gremlin, or how much time do you spend believing it, and then trying to convince yourself that you are good enough? It’s time to shut the gremlin down. It’s time to start talking to yourself in a healthy way that propels you forward instead of holding you back.  

I want to share with you a tip on how you can start shutting down the inner critic or gremlin. Reframing is a great way to get you started so that you can decrease the negative self talk and start being your friend again. 

Reframing – the next time you start to notice a negative dialogue brewing; stop and ask yourself, is really true for me? Think about how you can reframe this thought to serve you in a more positive way. 

Example – If one more person requests a meeting with me on this project, I’m going to scream! They must think I’m not smart enough to lead this project! How can I ever get anything done with everyone always bothering me? 

Reframe: Wow, this project is giving me so much visibility with the leadership team. I’m really going to use this opportunity to bring as many stakeholders as I can in on the design phase, so that our deliverable will aligned and well thought out. I have an opportunity to learn and honor the diversity of thought amongst this group.

Can you see how that simple reframe can shift your energy – from stress and drain to empowerment and opportunity?

You can learn to live in the balanced mindset and focus on things that serve you. Do you want to be able to talk to yourself in a positive, nurturing way—the way you treat the people you care for? Do you want to confront your gremlin and shut it down? Do you want to stop giving the gremlin so much space and time in you’re life so that you are able to start excelling in every area of your life? Let’s connect