Mind Readers Wanted

I’ve noticed that there is so much miscommunication that stems from lack of communication, or more specifically fear of communication. More and more people are offended and or are afraid to offend, but if we don’t start speaking up, and sharing our truth or our experience, we might as well start a “mission” to train and hire full time mind readers.  

“A closed mouth doesn’t get fed.” Have you ever heard that expression? I love it. It’s one of those sayings that used to get under my skin as a child, but as an adult, I get it. If you don’t say something, how do you expect change? Whether you are a parent, a business executive or an entry level professional, communication is vital to success. 

Communication comes in many forms, but today, I want to talk about feedback. I found these two amazing quotes about feedback.  

“Feedback is a free education to excellence. Seek it with sincerity and recieve it with grace.” Ann marie Houghtailing.     

“The people who have taught me the most in my career are the ones who pointed out what I didn’t see.”  Sheryl Sandberg 

Feedback is not just a tool that business use to rate your performance, it’s a gift when used correctly. I had a conversation with a young lady, Monica, this week who was struggling to communicate with some peers at work. The co-workers would routinely blow off meetings with her and regard the meetings as unimportant. The meetings, were in their opinion, a waste of their time. Monica struggled to understand this logic, since they never attended one of her meetings. She was stuck and at a loss. She desperately wanted to help her co-workers, as it was an integral part of her role. Instead of scheduling another meeting, she had a face to face discussion with the team to uncover why they were cancelling her calls. The reality is that it conflicted with another meeting, but the gift in the conversation, is that the team was able to hear how she wanted to help them and what resources she was able to provide. Monica was able to gain understanding that the standing meeting that conflicted with hers was a better forum to discuss the next steps because all of the stakeholders who could approve the ideas would be present.

Feedback is a two way communication. We need to learn how to receive and give feedback. Learning how to take in how someone receives you, is really a gift, but in order to uncover that gift, we need to operate in an anabolic energy. If we resonate in a catabolic energy, the tendency is to take things personally. In the example, I shared earlier, Monica was able to share feedback to the team, “We’ve all been made aware  that the business is struggling in X area, and I’ve set up several meetings to help provide more resource so that the team can make more progress on X. I’ve noticed that the team has declined all of the meetings I’ve scheduled. I’d really like to share with you the additional resources that I have and I am confident that this will allow the team to focus on project X.  Can we talk about this? I’m feeling that there is something unsaid that we should work to resolve.” The colleague who is the lead on the project was apologetic and surprised that there was a potential solution available. The team thought that she was scheduling another meeting to showcase and review the fact that they are lagging on the project, and they did not think it was a productive use of their time. They let her know that they appreciated her coming to speak to them, and in the future, to just send a quick memo ahead of the calendar invite so that they have a better understanding of what the call is about, and if she forgot to, they could also ask her instead of blowing her off.  That feedback combined with inviting Monica to the other call, created a more collaborative, and productive environment for both stakeholders to be able to move in the right direction.

If Monica decided to operate in victim mode, a catabolic energy level, she may have continued thinking that the team was against her, and that there was nothing that she could do to get project X moving. Instead, she was anabolic, and looked to communicate to build synergy. Because of the energy she brought to the interaction, engagement and teamwork emerged.

If you’re struggling with a relationship, personally or professionally, offer your perspective on how you envision the relationship. You might be surprised that there are common goals, and by sharing feedback, you might be surprised that there is in fact, a path forward.

If you struggling to give and receive feedback and you’re ready to make some shifts…